halberstam.

there are no more barriers to cross. all i have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem i have caused and my utter indifference toward it, i have now surpassed. my pain is constant and sharp and i do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact i want my pain to be inflicted on others. i want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and i gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. this confession has meant nothing.