'i love you' always came with a knife in the back.

i told you so many times. over and over again. i was no good for you and you were no good for me. and together we were great for each other. i'm better than you, i always was, at least that's what it looked like from the outside. "you're an absolute train wreck, i'm composed and graceful." i remember that's what you said, i laughed and laughed and laughed then stood up, walked out and left you. i left you there. it's okay though. i know i took you with me because every time i see you now you are an empty, hollow shell, with dead eyes and an emotionless acknowledgment, a deaf voice. i won. i got you. i took the best part of you with me. so when i'm feeling down over what happened, and i feel as if i'm just about to asphyxiate with thoughts of you, the edges of my mouth turn upwards, my heart beats a little faster and i feel my eyes warming and i know i have that shiny, kind of black glint, to the green irises that you made weep for so long. i know it's back, i know it's back inside of me, and i never thought i would be so happy to have it inhabit my insides but i'd rather it than you.